Hey there! It's been a while, huh? Well, I came across a list of some of my favorite one-liners and thought I'd better make a post, so here goes...
- Do you know the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
- Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
- I have a copy of the world's worst thesaurus. Not only is it awful, but it's awful.
- So what if I don't know what 'Armageddon' means. It's not the end of the world.
- What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing?
- Correct punctuation: the difference between a sentence that's well-written and a sentence that's well, written.
- I woke up this morning and forgot which direction the sun rises from, and then it dawned on me.
- Velcro - what a rip-off!
- The only thing 'Flat-Earthers' have to fear is sphere itself.
- Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
- I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves. (this is an inside joke)
- I have a clean conscience. I haven't used it once till just now.
- If I had a nickel for every math test I failed, I’d have like $5.63
- Some people just have a way with words, and other people... uh... not have way.
- All pro athletes are bilingual. They speak English and Profanity.
- I bought one of those CD's that teaches you how to speak Spanish in your sleep. During the night, it skipped, so now I can only stutter in Spanish.
- My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.
- A conference call is the best way to a dozen people to say goodbye 300 times.
Bah Ha Ha Ha! Okay, enough for now...
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