My best excuse for leaving work early...

My llama won't stop barfing and I need to rearrange my sock drawer as soon as I can make it home. Also, my stomach is upset because I accidentally ate a can of cat food thinking it was tuna - but I am currently stuck at the grocery store with my arm stuck in the blood pressure machine. Later this afternoon, I am attending the funeral of my wife's cousin's pet because I'm one of the pallbearers. Also, I'm in a good mood and didn't want to ruin it and I have a casserole in the oven. 

Oxymoron

Here are some commonly used phrases that happen to be oxymorons. I just love using that word. When in a conversation, sometimes a person will say something like... 'I will tell you more on that later..." When I hear that, I always say, "did you just call me a moron?" It generally gets a chuckle, but a few times the person that said it will just say, "no." I think people just don't get me, but I'll share more on that later... 

open secret 

larger half 

clearly confused 

act naturally 

alone together 

Hell's Angels 

found missing 

liquid gas 

civil engineer 

deafening silence 

seriously funny 

living dead 

Microsoft Works (ha ha ha!)

military intelligence 

jumbo shrimp 

Advanced BASIC 

tragic comedy 

unbiased opinion 

virtual reality 

definite maybe 

original copies 

pretty ugly 

same difference 

plastic glasses 

almost exactly 

constant variable 

even odds 

minor crisis 

extinct life 

genuine imitation 

exact estimate 

only choice 

freezer burn 

free love 

working holiday 

rolling stop

Runaway Camper Mods

Welcome to my blog! I wanted to capture some of the mods I've done to my awesome little 4'x8' Runaway Camper, so if you see something that intrigues you, post a comment and I'll get back to you with details.

Here is a link to my shared album with all the photos if they don't show up here: https://photos.app.goo.gl/6k49eGyPiQGroKC96

Here's what the Runaway camper looked like the day I bought it from the dealer

A blank canvas...

One of the first mods was adding a side vent for circulation.

Interior view of the vent

The second major mod was to add a 6" Ventline 12v fan in the ceiling. I originally routed the power from the side, but I've since changed it. Now, it is hidden with the track I ran down the center length-wise for the solar panel wires and the lights (photos further down).

Freshly washed and loaded - about to 'Runaway' for the weekend!

Boondocking somewhere in Missouri

Camping at Weston Bend, MO

BEFORE: black-out wheels with Pastidip

AFTER: black-out wheels with Plastidip. Also, you can see in this photo the black trim I added to the door and edges. It's hardly noticeable, but I love the way it looks.

Interior Lighting on ceiling with dimmer. (I have since replaced the dimmer with a simple toggle switch after having some problems with the dimmer. It was fun, but impractical.)

Relocated license plate

Blackout window panes with vinyl clings. I was tired of dealing with window covers, curtains, gaps, and broken stick-on clips. This is the perfect solution for me. I need total darkness to sleep well, and this also adds a great deal of security. The windows still open and I can still put the curtains or covers up, but this is so much cleaner and nothing gets in the way when I'm configuring the sofa into a bed or vice-versa.

Roof rack build and installation. I found a set of van roof racks on Amazon for $80, then did some grinding, cutting, refactoring, and painting. The total project cost around $100 and I installed it identically to the factory placement.

Replaced the original power strip with one that has built-in USB ports, added a solar charger, along with the front tongue box that contains a deep-cycle marine battery. I installed a 12V power adapter if attached to shore power (recycled power supply from Google Fiber) so that all accessories are functional without depleting the battery. If the 110v shore power is interrupted, the solar charger switches the electrical feed automagically and uses the battery to power everything. I also installed a couple of additional 12V outlets (cigarette lighter outlet and 2-pin SAE) for powering accessories that use those. Everything is fuse-protected behind the board and has buses for easy wiring if I ever change things up in the future.

Detachable mesh welded table (perfect size for camp stove)

The table can be used inside or outside the camper since I placed a second rail on the inside as a support for the outside one. 

Table Rail matches black vinyl, so it isn't obvious. Notice the mountain vinyl sticker that came stock, but I removed the lower portion that said, 'Runaway.' I like the cleaner look with just the mountains and will have my son do some vinyl cuts to make it more customized.

Door keeper strap made from a baby lock for a cabinet. It helps on windy days when the magnets don't have enough strength to keep the door open. I simply made an extension strap so it can easily clip in and out of both the door and the roof, leaving only the small plastic clip visible. I just keep it on the shelf so it's handy and it doesn't take up much space.

Roto-Pax Water Can above the 5-lb. Propane Tank

Roto-Pax Fuel Can

Inside where Roto-Pax Cans are located

Platform that extends and allows maximum usage of our fold-out sofa/bed. This also raises the bed off the floor 5 inches for air circulation and prevents condensation on the floor, which is a common problem with little campers. We decided that under-bed storage wasn't necessary and we can easily toggle from bed to sofa in seconds with this setup. Here's the instructable I made: https://www.instructables.com/Folding-Foam-Sofa-Platform/ 

A view of the fold-out sofa/bed in the bed format on top of the platform. Another reason I built this was so we could utilize the full 72" length of the foam pad - but the sofa's back support made an uncomfortable (not to mention awkward and unusable) extra 8 inches of length. The platform raises the rest of the foam pad so that the 'head' lays flat and is the perfect height. You can see that with the 5" rise of the platform, the built-in mattress head section can now fold flat and optimize the surface without that awkward hump.

Here is the platform in the pushed-in configuration and the sofa/bed in the sofa configuration.

Here is the 4x6 awning that I attached. I love this thing! It really makes a huge difference. We still bring our 4x6 pop-up canopies (we bought 2 of them) so we can set one up at the rear and one elsewhere, if needed - like next to our shower/portable bathroom, over a table, or wherever, really.

Safety first!

I finally installed the vinyl cutouts my son did for me. I pull the Runaway with my red Rubicon Jeep, so I renamed the camper 'Rubicon Roamer.' The mountain had to stay because we love mountains and I wanted to retain at-least a portion of the Runaway logo. I added the scripture (Psalm 121) because it reminds us that God is our Creator and that he protects us and helps us.

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

    where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,

    the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—

    he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel

    will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you—

    the Lord is your shade at your right hand; 

the sun will not harm you by day,

    nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm—

    he will watch over your life;

the Lord will watch over your coming and going

    both now and forevermore.

Humor Amidst Tragedy

So we're in the middle of a quarantine for the COVID-19 pandemic. What a strange time in history that we are living in. This is unprecedented and quite disturbing. I'm not going to dwell on it, but I think it is important to laugh every day - no matter what is happening.

How about a few dad jokes today? Okay!

Updated 4/14/2020 in honor of Kota, the 1-year-old Golden Retriever's birthday...

I considered being either an athlete or a criminal, so I made a list of pros and cons.

Today, my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Todd.

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.

My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...

A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

MOM: "How do I look?" DAD: "With your eyes."

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.

Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!

3 unwritten rules of life...
   1.
   2.
   3.

If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?

Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Todd.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.

SERVER: "Sorry about your wait." DAD: "Are you saying I’m fat?”

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? AYE MATEY

CASHIER: "Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?" DAD: "No, just leave it in the carton!’”

What's the best part about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador.

5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

Why couldn't the bike standup by itself? It was two tired.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No-eye-deer

GRANDPA: I have a 'dad bod', DAD: To me it's more like a father figure.

What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got fired because I took a couple of days off.

When you ask a dad if he's alright: "No, I’m half left.”

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.

When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

What did the horse say after it tripped? "Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

You know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trumpet.

What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory.

A woman is on trial for beating her husband with his guitar collection. Judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”

I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.

Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind... it's tearable.

A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I’m looking for the man who shot my paw."

I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!

You heard of that new band 1023MB? They're good but they haven't got a gig yet.

What do you call a lonely cheese? Provolone.

What do you call a fish with two knees? A “two-knee” fish.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? FSH
Converting the numbers 51, 6, and 500 in Roman Numerals makes me LIVID.

Last Day in Uganda 2018

I'm sipping a cold Stoney ginger-ale sitting in the back seat of a well used, beat up Toyota Prado. As we bounce happily over seemingly thousands of speed bumps, Sam Kisolo is driving Wick Nease, his wife, Jan, Manny Delgado, Marlene Abbey and me back to the airport after our week-long journey to celebrate a new school building that our church funded for an orphanage named Siita Nest. It was my second time in this amazing country of Africa and I am once again overwhelmed. 96% of the people are at or below the poverty level, and the remaining 4 percent are dignitaries and Kings. 

The Kisolo family is like nothing I've ever seen or heard of. There really are no words to describe how wonderful they are. Sam and Irene have such a heart for children, orphans, and widows. God has placed within them a very special anointing to ache for these special people groups. Sam's sister, Alice, is the founder of the Sitta Nest orphanage, so love clearly runs deeply in the Kisolo family. Our team had the rare privilege to enjoy the Kisolo family celebration yesterday, where God's word was shared by each of us, testimonies from a dozen of the older Kisolo adopted young adults - some are veterans in the family of 17 years or more, and there are more than 40 young people that identify as Kisolo family children. They call Sam "Daddy" and Irene "Mama" or "Mommy." It is precious and their genuine honor and respect is felt as they mention their parents. 

God has truly and literally plucked these people as children from the streets, from orphanages, from a life of extreme poverty and lack, and He has graciously laid them into the loving arms of Sam and Irene. By no means are any of them rich with finances, but God has faithfully provided for them in ways unimaginable over the years. He has shown His love and His caring hand of provision in so many ways and their testimonies point directly to Jesus and His unending love. The Kisolo family represents a love that is so rare in our world today. 

Each of the members is grateful for the family and especially to God. It warms my heart to be surrounded by the younger children, wearing torn, dirty cutoff sweats, old over-sized t-shirts with tiny threadbare holes riddling the faded, once-dark or vibrant colors. I squat down to get some photos from a low angle with the digital camera I'm carrying, and the kids surround and swarm me to see their microscopic faces displayed on the display at the back. I slowly scroll through the fresh photos and look around at their amazed faces. As we are glancing at the photographs one by one, I feel small hands on my back, my shoulders, and my head as their precious fingers are feeling the unfamiliar and bizarre texture of my hair. I count it a joy and begin to feel my eyes fill with tears. This is a special moment for me. 

I realize that a young boy of 7 years old, Patrick, is next to me holding my arm and touching my fingers. This is the same boy that crawled into my lap as a 4-year-old on my previous trip that was so heartwarming and memorable for me. His face simply melts my heart. His smile is beyond precious. If I could take him home to my family, I would be the happiest person alive. I briefly imagine how radically different his life would be. As I'm crouched there with the hoard of children around me, I dream of an education and future for him. I envision for a moment how my own life would be so enriched by that precious smile every day. 

I realize that he is part of this family, however. He is part of the amazing love and joy in this incredible collection of people. His absence would surely be felt and he would likely not know how to adjust to a new life in the United States. My heart weeps upon this reality. I love every individual I see as I look around within these ivy-filled chain link fences and back walls of the house. This is, indeed, a place where God lives.

My (Current) Favorite One-Liners and Jokes

Hey there! It's been a while, huh? Well, I came across a list of some of my favorite one-liners and thought I'd better make a post, so here goes...

• Do you know the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care. 
• Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
• I have a copy of the world's worst thesaurus. Not only is it awful, but it's awful.
• So what if I don't know what 'Armageddon' means. It's not the end of the world.
• What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing?
• Correct punctuation: the difference between a sentence that's well-written and a sentence that's well, written.
• I woke up this morning and forgot which direction the sun rises from, and then it dawned on me.
• Velcro - what a rip-off!
• The only thing 'Flat-Earthers' have to fear is sphere itself.
• Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
• I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves. (this is an inside joke)
• I have a clean conscience. I haven't used it once till just now.
• If I had a nickel for every math test I failed, I’d have like $5.63
• Some people just have a way with words, and other people... uh... not have way.
• All pro athletes are bilingual. They speak English and Profanity.
• I bought one of those CD's that teaches you how to speak Spanish in your sleep. During the night, it skipped, so now I can only stutter in Spanish.
• My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.
• A conference call is the best way to a dozen people to say goodbye 300 times. 

Bah Ha Ha Ha! Okay, enough for now...

A Short Course in Human Relations

It's been a while since my last post - so here's something I found profound...

The six most important words: I admit that I was wrong.

The five most important words: You did a great job.

The four most important words: What do you think? (not, 'I told you so')

The three most important words: Could you please...

The two most important words: Thank you.

The most important word: We.

The least important word: I.